I hear sarcasm in surround sound
by RELvox
Summary: Just a little holiday fluff / smut. Please review!


**Title: You know I hear sarcasm in surround sound**

**Happy holidays! I know that I haven't written anything in a while, but it was a slow day today so I thought I'd go for it. **

**Know what you can do to make my day? Read and review! Oh, and as always, Glee is not mine. **

"Are you sure you don't want to put on another layer?" Quinn asked as she watched Rachel button up her coat with only a t-shirt underneath. "It's, like, insanely cold out right now."

"The sun is shining, Quinn," Rachel said, rolling her eyes. "It can't possibly be _that_ cold."

"Rach, you do realize that brightness and warmth are two _totally_ different things, right?"

"Quinn, we've gone to the holiday market on the same day every year for four years," the brunette replied. "When was the last time I needed a sweater underneath my coat?"

"Well, never, but –"

"Exactly. Besides, you know how I get when there's shopping involved. The thrill of the bargain is all the sweater I need!" Rachel exclaimed before opening the door and marching out to ring for the elevator.

"You'd think being on Broadway made her a diva or something…" Quinn said to nobody in particular as she swiped Rachel's scarf from the hallway table.

"Quinn Fabray! That is offensive!"

"How did you even hear that?" the blonde exclaimed, though really, she wasn't that surprised.

"You know I hear sarcasm in surround sound. And you put down that scarf this instant," Rachel said, facing the elevator.

"How did you –" Quinn said, her eyes wide as she dropped the scarf on the floor.

"You're many things, Quinn Fabray, but unpredictable isn't one of them."

"I am so unpredictable," Quinn grumbled as she followed Rachel into the elevator. "WAFFLES!"

"Waffles?" Rachel asked, started by the blonde's sudden outburst. "You just ate. You can't possible want waffles right now."

"I don't," Quinn said, grinning. "But you didn't expect me to yell that word. Ergo, unpredictable."

"More like insane," Rachel said, rolling her eyes.

"Unpredictable, insane. Doesn't matter. Know why?" Quinn asked as the elevator doors opened.

"Why?"

"Because I win and you lose."

"Mature," Rachel said, rolling her eyes as Quinn skipped through the lobby. "Really mature. How did I get myself into a relationship with a child?"

…

"Quinn, I'm _freezing_," Rachel whined as they threaded through the crowds at the Union Square Holiday Market.

"Impossible," Quinn said, linking her arm with Rachel's. "We've come here on the same day every year for the past four years and you've never needed a sweater before."

"Quinn Fabray, you stop being vindictive right this minute and give me your sweater," Rachel said, halting in the middle of the aisle and stomping her foot.

"You know what should help?" Quinn asked, trying not to laugh and failing miserably. "A good bargain!"

"Quinn, if you don't find something to warm me up within the next thirty seconds, you are _so_ not getting any tonight."

"Oh really?" Quinn said, pulling Rachel aside so that people could walk past them. "You think you can resist me?"

"You should know how stubborn I can be, Quinn," Rachel said, though her eyes widened a tiny bit.

"I don't believe you," Quinn said, leaning forward to whisper in Rachel's ear. "But if you're serious, then I'm sure I can take care of myself. You can watch…if you want."

"Quinn," Rachel whimpered, grabbing onto the label of the blonde's coat.

"What is it, pretty girl," Quinn whispered as she leaned down to softly brush her lips against Rachel's.

"I…how do you do that?" Rachel said, looking up at Quinn with pure want in her eyes.

"How do I do what?" Quinn said, taking Rachel's hand and leading her to a stall with beautiful, handmade leather journals that she had such a weakness for. Usually, Rachel straight up football-blocked her from them because she had about fifteen unused journals, but today she seemed…preoccupied.

"You…we've been together for nearly four years and somehow just one well-placed word from you and I'm _instantly_ drenched."

Quinn's eyes snapped up.

"It's like…all you do is whisper in my ear and I'm throbbing. Literally, throbbing."

"Rach…" Quinn whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Do you want to help warm me up?" Rachel asked, running her hand up and down Quinn's lapel.

Quinn smirked.

…

"Quinn Fabray, you know very well this is not what I meant," Rachel fumed as the monkey hat that Quinn had just purchased fell over her eyes…again.

"Oh come on," Quinn said, taking as many pictures on her iPhone as she could before Rachel got legitimately angry. "You look absolutely adorable."

"I can't even see!" Rachel whined, fumbling to get to her metrocard with pink piggy mittens.

"It's your own fault for refusing to dress warmly," Quinn said, desperately trying not to laugh as Rachel walked right into into a street lamp.

"Quinn Fabray! You stop laughing at me this instant!" Rachel fumed, the frustration blinding her for a moment to the pain in her knee.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop. Really." the blonde said, smiling.

"Quinn," Rachel said, her lower lip trembling.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry," Quinn said, instantly moving over to her girlfriend. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

"No, Quinn," Rachel said, her skin beginning to get clammy. "I…it really hurts."

"Wait, what?" Quinn said, her features instantly sharpening. "What happened? Where are you hurt?"

"My knee…when I walked into the lamp. I…oh my god, Quinn, I need to sit down," Rachel said.

Quinn nodded, helping her walk backwards to a bench on the sidewalk. When Rachel gingerly sat down, Quinn got on her knees and began removing Rachel's shoe.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked, shivering.

"What does it look like," Quinn said, her eyes glazing over with tears. "You got hurt because of me…the least I can do is give you a quick exam to make sure you're okay."

"How is my clumsiness your fault?" Rachel asked, wincing as Quinn began rolling up her jeans.

"I…bought the hat in size too big," Quinn admitted, running her fingertips down Rachel's leg.

"You…why?"

"Because it was the only monkey hat they had and you just looked so damn cute in it!" Quinn said.

"Quinn Fabray, you better hope my knee isn't broken," Rachel growled.

"It's not broken, love," Quinn replied, watching Rachel's reaction closely for signs of pain as she gently shifted her kneecap back and forth. "You might have a bruise, but you'll be fine by tomorrow morning."

"Well…fine," Rachel said, as Quinn fixed her jeans and slid her boot back on. "But you're totally springing for a taxi home."

"Of course," Quinn said. "And for the record, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, love," Rachel said, smiling as Quinn helped her up. "No major damage done."

Quinn nodded, holding the brunette close as she hailed a cab.

"Hey, Quinn?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think that I'm going to become a hypochondriac now that you've graduated from med school?"

"I don't think I want to answer that."

…

Quinn put Rachel in bed as soon as they got home, then fixed a pillow underneath her knee and ran to the kitchen to get an ice pack.

"Do you want me to make you some soup?"

"Quinn, I'm perfectly healthy. My knee isn't even that sore anymore," Rachel said, shifting to get up.

"Absolutely not," Quinn said, putting her hand in the middle of Rachel's chest to keep her on the bed. "You need to stay put so it doesn't swell up."

"Fine," Rachel sighed. "But I'm not really hungry, so can I get an IOU on the soup?"

"You can get an IOU for anything you want, love," Quinn replied, leaning down to kiss Rachel softly.

"Anything?" Rachel asked.

"As long as you don't still want me to murder Santana in her sleep, then yes. Anything," the blonde said, sitting down on the bed. "What did you have in mind?"

"Remember what you said today at the market?" Rachel said, her tan skin taking on a deep flush.

"Rachel…it's killing me to say this, but we really shouldn't. It would only make your knee swell up more," Quinn said.

"No, I know," Rachel said, blushing. "But...the other thing you said. Before."

"What are you talking – oh. _Oh_," Quinn said, her eyes widening in realization. "I was kind of kidding, Rach."

"I know, but the thought of you touching yourself for me…Quinn, it turned me on so much," Rachel admitted.

"How is it that we've been together for four years and we've never done that?"

"I honestly don't know," Rachel said, her eyes turning dark. "But I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

"Okay," Quinn said, standing up and facing Rachel. "Then tell me what you want me to do."

"You know what I want you to do," Rachel said, leaning forward.

"No, Rachel," Quinn said. "Tell me what you want me to do."

"I – oh. _God_," Rachel moaned softly. "Are…are you sure you're okay with that?"

Quinn nodded, smiling. She wasn't always keen on giving up control in the bedroom, and normally that was perfect for Rachel, who was naturally more of a bottom. But every once in a while, when Quinn was in the mood, she would let Rachel take charge. And Rachel _loved_ it.

"Tell me what you want me to do," Quinn said, folding her hands behind her back.

"Jesus Christ, Quinn," Rachel whimpered, clutching onto the sheets underneath her. "First, come here and kiss me."

Quinn moved forward instantly, swallowing Rachel's moan with her lips. Softly, she traced Rachel's bottom lip with her tongue before slowly, achingly slowly, sliding her tongue into the brunette's mouth.

Rachel fisted her hand in Quinn's short, shaggy hair and detached her lips, moving to kiss down Quinn's neck.

"Mmm, baby, that feels good but don't you want me to be doing something else?" Quinn husked.

"What?" Rachel mumbled against Quinn's neck, sliding her hand up to cup the blonde's breast.

"God, Rachel," Quinn said, sitting down on the bed so that Rachel had better access.

"In about two seconds, I'm going to stop" Rachel said, moving to look into Quinn's eyes as she thumbed the blonde's nipples. "And you're going to stand up and take off your clothes. Slowly."

Quinn whimpered when Rachel delivered a sharp pinch to her nipples. "Everything?"

"Yes," Rachel said, sitting back and waiting.

Quinn groaned as she sat up, trying to clear the haze that settled over her brain as she began unbuttoning her shirt.

By the time Quinn released the clasp on her jeans and pulled them down, now standing in just her underwear, Rachel's chest was heaving.

"Thank goodness you decided not to wear a bra today," Rachel whispered as Quinn regarded her from a few feet away. "Touch them."

"Touch what, baby?" Quinn said, teasingly.

"Touch your breasts," Rachel said, moaning when Quinn immediately complied. "Cup them."

Quinn was already dripping, and she hadn't even gotten to anything really good yet. Still, though, she could feel her muscles clamping down on nothing.

"Pinch your nipples," Rachel said, gasping when Quinn let out a deep, appreciative moan as she obeyed.

Quinn stepped backwards to lean against the closed door of their bedroom, fighting to keep her eyes open as she watched Rachel lick her lips.

"Stop," Rachel said. "Spread your legs."

Quinn whimpered, but complied.

"I want you to put one hand into your underwear and use one finger to touch yourself," Rachel said, flushing furiously.

Quinn did as she was told, groaning at Rachel's boldness.

"Are you wet?" Rachel asked breathlessly.

"So wet," Quinn said as she gently circled her clit. "Wetter than I've ever been."

"Stop what you're doing and come here," Rachel said.

It took all of Quinn's willpower to remove her hand, but she did. Each step towards Rachel made her legs twitch.

"Touch yourself again," Rachel whispered when Quinn was standing right in front of her.

Quinn swallowed and nodded, sliding her hand beneath her waistband of her underwear again, jumping slightly when she came in contact with her clit again.

"Stop," Rachel said, leaning forward.

"Rach, I'm so…please…" Quinn whined, pulling her hand out one more time.

"Give me your fingers," Rachel said, smirking when Quinn's eyes darkened.

Slowly, Quinn lifted her hand and offered the two soaked fingers to Rachel, moaning when the brunette slid them all the way into her mouth.

"Jesus, Rach," Quinn gasped.

"You taste so good," Rachel whispered. "So fucking good."

Quinn shivered. She absolutely loved it when Rachel cursed.

"Take off your underwear and put one leg up on the bed," Rachel said, scooting over so that the blonde would have room.

"Wait, what?" Quinn said. "You don't want me to just…lie down?"

"I want to see you," Rachel replied, slowly running her hands up Quinn's stomach to cup her breasts. "I want to see everything."

"God, okay," Quinn said, completely forgetting about her embarrassment as Rachel's fingers started working her over. "Anything you want."

"Then do what I asked," Rachel said, releasing her hold on Quinn and leaning backwards with what she'd later characterize as superhuman strength.

Quinn nodded, slipping her underwear off of her hips and kicking them across the room before placing her right foot up on the bed and spreading her legs.

Rachel gasped, her body instantly throbbing. She was this close to having Quinn touch her, but the anticipation was just too good.

"Touch your clit," she rasped. "Circles, make circles."

"Yes," Quinn hissed, gasping when Rachel moaned. The brunette could see everything, could see her clit becoming more and more swollen.

"How close are you," Rachel asked, leaning forwards to swipe her finger through Quinn's wetness and slowly lick it off."

"I can…I can feel myself tightening," Quinn whimpered. "I can feel it in my stomach."

"God, Quinn, you're so fucking beautiful," Rachel said, mesmerized. "I want you to use one finger, slowly, inside yourself."

Quinn groaned her appreciation as her muscles finally had something to clench against, but there was something missing. "It's not enough baby," she whined. "Please, please, more."

Rachel nodded. At this point, she'd do anything. "Whatever you need, baby. Do whatever you need to come for me."

Quinn nodded, moaning as she slid two, then three fingers into herself. "God, Rachel."

"What are you thinking about?" Rachel asked, her body covered in a thin sheen of sweat despite not being touched once.

"You," Quinn whimpered. "I'm imagining you inside me. You feel so good."

Rachel's chest heaved as she watched the blonde work herself over, calling her name as her toes curled.

"Rach, baby, I'm going to…Jesus Christ," Quinn gasped as the orgasm shot through her, blinding reaching for the headboard to steady her as she lost her balance, her hips jerking wildly as she worked herself down.

"Oh my god," Rachel whispered as she shuffled over with her ice pack so that Quinn could lay down next to her. "I…that was the sexiest thing that I've ever seen."

"Mmm," Quinn said, curling into a ball next to Rachel. "I'm sure I'll be embarrassed about it in the morning."

"I don't even know how I'm going to survive until the morning," Rachel whined. "I'm…God, Quinn, I'm so turned on I can't even think straight."

Quinn snored lightly.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Rachel said, clenching her legs together. "If I can just bend my leg a little, I can get myself…OW."

Rachel sighed, shifting down on the bed, and prepared for a restless, restless night.

…

Quinn woke up eight hours later on the verge of another orgasm. Her eyes flew open to see Rachel, naked, between her legs.

"Oh my god," Quinn said, bending her legs to give the brunette's tongue more access. "I…oh, Jesus, I guess your knee is better?"

"Mmm," Rachel moaned against Quinn's clit, making the blonde's hips jump. "So much better."

"I…oh god," Quinn said, pushing her hips up and down as the orgasm slowly flooded over her.

"Not done yet," Rachel said, nipping at the blonde's clit before sliding two fingers deep into her.

"Rachel!" the blonde shouted, gripping onto Rachel's hair as she felt another orgasm building up.

"Do you know how hot you were last night," Rachel said, climbing up the blonde's body as her fingers slowly continued pulsing.

"Tell me," Quinn hissed as she bit down on the brunette's shoulder, her hips working up and down, pushing Rachel's fingers deeper and deeper inside.

"I was so turned on that I didn't sleep at all," Rachel said, pushing into Quinn slowly with three fingers, then moving her ring finger to circle around Quinn's rear entrance. "I kept trying to clench my legs together, but nothing helped."

Quinn breath caught in her throat as Rachel's ring finger pushed home, sliding into her, filling her up. "Oh my god, Rachel, that's…I feel…"

"What, baby," Rachel asked, curling her fingers. All three of them.

"Full," Quinn groaned, arching off the bed, her hips working faster and faster, chasing the orgasm that was so imminent.

"I want you to come for me, Quinn," Rachel whispered. "And then I want you to fuck me."

Quinn's eyes snapped shut, her back bowed, and her fingers gripped onto Rachel's lower back as she came undone, jerking and twisting underneath the brunette's fingers.

"Rach," Quinn said, her body finally going limp.

"What, baby?" Rachel said, gently pulling her fingers out of her girlfriend and reaching for some anti-bacterial. She was nothing if not safe.

"God, I don't even know how…to move."

"Well, you better figure it out," Rachel said thickly. "Because I'm dying."

"Oh yeah?" Quinn asked, shifting onto her side to look at her girlfriend.

"Quinn, baby, I'm so wet…I've…I literally can't breathe without my muscles twisting. I need you to touch me so _so _badly that I – oh, oh god, yes," Rachel said, her eyes closing as she felt Quinn's finger circling her clit.

"That you what, baby?" the blonde asked, laying her girlfriend down on her back and nudging her legs wide open.

"I forgot," Rachel keened. "God, I'm so close already."

"What do you need?" Quinn asked, pressing harder, moving faster.

"Just…god, just fuck me Quinn," Rachel groaned, her eyes widening as she reached behind her to hold onto the headboard. "Fuck me."

Quinn closed her eyes briefly, and then brought two fingers to Rachel's opening. "Are you sure, baby?"

Rachel just growled, grabbed Quinn's arm with one hand, and pushed the blonde's fingers into herself. "Yes."

"Rachel, sweet Rachel," Quinn said, shivering, as she moved in and out of her girlfriend. "You're so fucking sexy."

"Just…faster," Rachel said, reaching for Quinn and crashing their lips together, sliding her tongue deep into the blonde's mouth. "Yes, yes, just like that. Just like – oh, _Quinn_."

Rachel's body went tight as a bow and then released. Quinn let Rachel ride out the orgasm before slipping her fingers out and wiping them on the sheets. "Feeling better?"

"Yes," Rachel said, still jerking. "But it's…god, Quinn, it's not enough. I need more."

Quinn laid down on her back, smirking. "How is your knee feeling?"

Rachel grinned, and moved to straddle the blonde's face. "So much better."

"Good," Quinn said, pulling the brunette down and running her tongue up the length of her.

"I'll never figure out how you're so good at this," Rachel gasped, softly grinding her hips back and forth.

Quinn just gripped Rachel's ass in response, and slid her tongue up to flick against her clit.

"Jesus," Rachel said, her hips jerking. "Inside, I need you inside."

Quinn complied, sliding her tongue deep into the brunette and moved one of her hands to thumb at her clit.

Rachel leaned back, placing her hand on the bed next to Quinn's hip as she rocked forward. "Oh god, Quinn, I…just like that. I'm already so close again."

Quinn grinned and removed her tongue from inside the brunette, delivering a soft bite to her clit before she could protest.

"Oh, oh my god. Again," Rachel whined, gripping the sheets tightly.

Quinn complied, biting Rachel's clit again, a little harder this time.

"Yes," Rachel hissed, "God I'm…so…"

Quinn slid her tongue back inside and, with the tip of her fingernail, lightly scratched the brunette's clit. She smiled as Rachel's body tensed up, rigidly, and then spilled forward, loose and melted.

With what seemed like a great deal of effort, Rachel climbed off of the blonde and fell into a heap next to her.

"That was…so worth the wait," she said, struggling to get her breathing under control.

"Yeah?" Quinn said, moving onto her side so that she could run her fingertips up and down Rachel's arm.

"Mmm," Rachel drawled. "Can we go back to the holiday market tomorrow?"

"Are you going to wear a sweater this time?" Quinn asked, smiling.

"If this is what I get when I'm cold, then hell no."

**Hope you enjoyed! Review away!**


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